Friends reboot- S1E7- The One with the Wise Guys
by Jonathan Navi
Summary: I am writing a Friends reboot. Currently writing a season 1 and will publish episodes out of order. Please see my episode 7 here called "The One with the Wise Guys." Enjoy and please provide feedback!


**Friends episode: The One with the Wise Guys**

(Quick shot of scenes from last episode S1E6 "The One with the Bug Girl" where Rachel starts to have feelings for Ross, goes back into the apartment to get glasses of wine to share with him, and finds him kissing a woman at the party named Fay. Devastated, a mystery man at the party comforts her when he sees her crying and she goes home with him. Quick shot of Rachel in the bed of the mystery man with her eyes open and Ross in bed with Fay fast asleep)

(Present day scene starts in the staircase of the apartment building, there are 2 Italian guys moving furniture up the stairs. Rachel, Monica, and Chandler are walking down the stairs and the 2 Italian guys are coming up the stairs bumping into them rudely)

RACHEL: Oh ok (flustered as a lamp shade brushes across her head and she jerks her head backward while walking down the stairs)

CHANDLER: (the lamp now nearly takes his head off as he drops his head down just in time) Whoa. Ok. Maybe next time you guys can take a GUILLOTINE to my head!

ITALIAN GUY 1: Ay Tony! Watch the vanilla boy's head huh?!

TONY: Yeah, yeah, I got it.

ITALIAN GUY 1: We're trying to not attract too much attention for ourselves capeesh?

TONY: Alright Vito I got it no knockin' off any of they heads. (seeing Monica he moves closer to her) Unless you wanna knock something else with me sweetcheeks. What's say you and me get some lasagna and talk huh?

MONICA: (angrily) Uh, how about this….SWEETCHEEKS….get your butt out of my way or…or I'll sick my BURLY BOYFRIEND on you….right Chandler. (she pulls Chandler in front of her)

CHANDLER: (awkward and confused) Um, right…..girlfriend….Monica.

TONY: (barking laughter) You think this vanilla boy is burly!?

CHANDLER: Yeah…well…..your accent is STUPID! ….and for your information I've moved up to being able to curl 10 pound dumbbells now!

RACHEL: You tell um Chandler!

TONY: (seeing Rachel clearly for the first time) Whoa, whoa, forget the brunette (glancing at Monica), who is this fine tan goddess (looking at Rachel). I've got just one thing to say to you. How you doin'? (said just like Joey)

CHANDLER: (looking at Monica and Rachel bewildered) Do people like him and Joey just come MANUFACTURED to use that line?!

VITO: (turning back around from the next floor up) Tony, what I say huh. Keep goin up. We don't want people askin questions about our move-in. (spoken wisely) Our business….must remain our business.

CHANDLER: (laughing) "Don't want people askin questions"? What are you a bunch of greaseball mobsters- (he stops a snort of laughter midway as realization dawns that they likely are mobsters)

TONY: Why I oughta-! (racing forward to Chandler, then stopped by Vito)

VITO: I said NO. You know what the boss would say.

TONY: Alright alright. (turning to Chandler) But this ain't over Vanilla boy. (he turns back around and walks upstairs)

CHANDLER: (emboldened) YEAH…..WELL…this ain't over with ME either…(awkwardly)….lasagna…boy.

(Tony turns around and Chandler instantly starts racing down the stairs away from him, followed by Monica and Rachel)

(SCENE ENDS)

* * *

(Scene starts in Central Perk coffee shop with Joey, Ross, and Ross's new girlfriend Fay sitting down on the couch and chair)

(Chandler, Monica, and Rachel walk through the door of the coffee shop looking agitated and go to sit down with the rest)

ROSS: (looking concerned at the agitated look on their faces) Whoa, what's the matter?

FAY: (looking at all the new faces, then awkwardly waving hello) Hi everybody.

ROSS: (interrupting quickly) Oh! Where are my manners. Guys this is Fay, I met her at the Christmas Party. We uh…..we just started dating….(Rachel looked uncomfortable).….. Fay, this is Chandler, Monica, and…Rachel.

CHANDLER AND MONICA: Hey.

RACHEL: (turning her head to the side, looking agitated she spoke in a fake tone) Well HELLO Fay…..it's great to meet you.

FAY: (confused) Oh. It's great to meet you…too.

ROSS: So what's the issue guys? Did something happen outside?

MONICA: Well there are these new creeps who just moved into our building. We got into a thing with them on the staircase while they were moving in.

CHANDLER: Yeah and they were mean guys…..ITALIAN GUYS….. looked like they were in the mafia. And not the GOOD mafia like this those Robert Deniro movies, but the BAD mafia like…those OTHER Robert Deniro movies.

MONICA: Chandler, there are no GOOD mafias, ONLY BAD ONES!

CHANDLER: Well I don't LIKE these BAD Italian mobsters much!

JOEY: (offended and angry, pointing at Chandler) Ayyyy, now I won't just sit here…while you stereotype Italians…because Italians are a good hardworking people.

CHANDLER: (outraged) YEAH, well tough Joe, cuz THESE Italians were just Clowns okay? They were BUTT clowns. And they can take their TACKY Italian furniture…and their LAME Italian lasagnas…and just GET OUT of our building!

JOEY: (standing up, pointing at Chandler) Ayyyy….you can insult our tacky furniture, but don't you dare mess with our lasagnas.

RACHEL: Alright Joey, sit down honey. (Joey sits) Look, I think Chandler is right, I'm pretty sure these were mobsters. I mean they kept saying stuff like how "THE BOSS" won't like it if they made a scene.

FAY: That doesn't really prove anything beyond your prejudices. I mean most Italian-Americans are good hard working people, you wouldn't want to judge them all harshly just because of the actions of a few bad apples would you? (she puts on an annoyingly smug face)

RACHEL: (saying under her breath) Ohh, well isn't that just fantastic.

FAY: What?

RACHEL: (facing Fay, looking surprised) Oh what? Oh nothing. I was just day dreaming…you know mumbling to myself….

FAY: (academically) Do you usually start day dreaming in the middle of a conversation with your peers?

RACHEL: (with fake warmth while pursing her lips) Oh honey, only when there's a smart mouth in that group of peers.

ROSS: (interrupting loudly) Ok, ok, (shaking his head) so, what'd they do to you guys?

CHANDLER: One of the two guys, Tony, he threatened me! Kept calling me "vanilla boy"! Told me "this ain't over."

RACHEL: Yeah, and the other one, Vito, kept saying that they don't want to attract too much attention you know (her eyes widened), like they were to up to something (her eyes widened again trying to let on).

FAY: Or maybe they just wanted to be good neighbors and not cause a commotion during their move in.

ROSS: Yeah, maybe they just didn't want to call attention to their moving in, trying to keep a low profile.

RACHEL: (looking frustrated and angry) Oh well isn't that just CUTE…..you two being on the same WAVE-LENGTH like that…just SO QUICKLY.

(Ross put his arm around Fay and they snuggled in as they mistook her statement as a compliment)

ROSS: Here, you know what, let's go up there and see these wise guys. Maybe when they see you've got some BACK UP, they'll back off.

FAY: (smiling in surprise) Ross! I like this VIRILE side of you. (giving him a sexy look)

ROSS: Well, in college, I was the JUNIOR SECRETARY of the Self DEFENSE Club. (puffing up his chest)

MONICA: Wasn't that just a club where you all played with nunchucks and dressed up as teenage mutant ninja turtles?

ROSS: (outraged) I told you those were NOT teenage mutant ninja turtle outfits, those were our KARATE "gi's", and they just HAPPENED to be green!

MONICA: Still doesn't explain why one of you always ended up dressing up as April O'Neil.

(Ross stared coldly at her)

FAY: Hey, so why don't we just head up there now?

ROSS: (emphatically) GREAT idea. Let's go!

(They all got up from their seats and started to walk out of Central Perk)

GUNTHER: (looking startled) Um, wait, aren't you going to pay first?

RACHEL: Oh Gunther, you know we're gonna pay you next time. (smiling obnoxiously sweetly)

GUNTHER: (smiling airily, posture melting down while looking at Rachel) Yeah. Of course, sure, you can pay me later.

(They all start walking out the door)

RACHEL: (looking at the gang) Did any of you even bring money?

EVERYONE: Nope.

(SCENE ENDS)

* * *

(They start walking down the street when all of a sudden a guy walks up to Rachel. It was the guy she had slept with after the Christmas party)

GUY FROM PARTY: (quietly and calmly) Rachel. I…I was hoping we could talk.

RACHEL: Oh? You know what sweetie, I…I just got really busy with something right now. So how about this, I'll call you ANDDD….yeah, so I'll call you.

(Rachel started to walk back to the gang)

MONICA: Who was that guy?

RACHEL: (trying not to look at Monica) Oh nothing, just some guy who was looking for a cabstand.

FAY: Well did you tell him that it was right over there (pointing across the street in front of them)

RACHEL: (looking insulted) Uh, no, Fay, because that cabstand over there only has YELLOW cabs, and that man explicitly asked for PINK cabs. (with a face on like she showed up Fay)

ROSS: Pink cabs? Really?

RACHEL: (angrily) Yes Ross, REALLY! Pink cabs are the ones that go to the PINK locations in the city.

FAY: What are "Pink locations"?

RACHEL: (making it up quickly) Well Fay, you must not be from around here, because a PINK LOCATION is the term for the city's tourist spots like the Empire State Building…and uh (trying to think quickly) the Metropolitan Museum…..and OH and the Central Park ZOO!

FAY: (eyes lighting up) Oh I would love to go to the zoo with you Ross. Wanna go tomorrow?

ROSS: (excited) Absolutely I do! Great idea Rach.

RACHEL: (irritated) Well isn't that just fantastic.

(The gang walks by the yellow cabstand)

ROSS: (turning to one of the cabbies) Hey. Sucks that you guys have compete with those PINK CABS now huh?

CABBIE: (looking bewildered) Huh?

RACHEL: (pulling everyone forward) Let's go, let's go….…(after they all were sufficiently far away from the cabbie)… you DON'T EVER want to mess with these New York City cabbies Fay. They might just MUG YOU if you say the wrong thing!

FAY: (while racing forward) Oh my goodness how dangerous!

(SCENE ENDS)

* * *

(The gang start walking up the stairs of the apartment building, they get to their floor and go to the door of Monica and Rachel's apartment. Suddenly behind them, they see two guys come down the building staircase. It was the two Italian guys Vito and Tony)

VITO: Joey? Joey Tribbiani?

JOEY: (looking over at them, seeing who they were, then a look of panic came on his face) Ohhhh, heyyy (waving his hand, he then turned his head back around)

TONY: What… you stop workin with us and now you don't wanna talk to us no more? The boss would not be pleased. (pauses looking at Chandler) And hangin out with this vanilla boy too?

JOEY: (putting on a fake smile) No, no, of course I wanna talk to you guys. You kiddin? One second, let me just escort these people back into their apartment first… (Joey then aggressively shepherds everyone quickly into Monica and Rachel's apartment) And don't let me catch you snoopin around again! (Joey closes the door on them as he goes to talk to Tony and Vito)

(Scene shifts to inside Monica and Rachel's apartment)

MONICA: (confused) Ummm…..what just happened?

RACHEL: Joey used to….. "work" with those guys?

ROSS: Wait…..you don't think….Joey is a-?

CHANDLER: (freaking out) WHOA! My roommate is a mobster!

(SCENE ENDS)

* * *

(Scene resumes where left off)

(Chandler is pacing around)

CHANDLER: (panicked) Well it's all starting to make sense now. ALL of it. How he LOVES all those mob movies- (spastically turning to Monica) HE LAUGHS when they WHACK guys! I mean…..the way he LOVES lasagna AND cannolies. Oh! How he NEVER wants to talk about his past jobs. Hell…I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HIS CURRENT JOB IS!

FAY: (in a condescending tone) You don't know what your own ROOMMATE does for a living?

RACHEL: (rolling her eyes at Fay) They're boys. (shaking her head) They don't talk about their lives.

CHANDLER: (wildly) If it wasn't for BOOBS and BAYWATCH, Joey and I wouldn't talk to each other AT ALL!

ROSS: (soberly) And to think, all this time…..he was one of those VIOLENT mafia guys. (his voice lowering) You know the mafia…. they've actually KILLED PEOPLE before.

MONICA: (mockingly) Wow Ross, the mafia's killed people? Thanks for breaking the news Barbara Dumbass!

RACHEL: (pleadingly) Oh common guys, this is Joey we're talking about, you know? Joey. He's a sweet guy, he's a loving guy, he would never hurt anyone.

FAY: Plus you don't even know for sure if those guys were even mobsters to begin with.

CHANDLER: (starting to pace again) Oh I KNOW. I KNOW alright. Those two were NASTY. Oh they were STONE COLD. Oh they were BAD. They were….(trying to think of a word)…...They were…..(still stuck)

MONICA: (helping) Butt clowns?

CHANDLER: (yelling with his finger pointed aggressively in midair) THEY WERE BUTT CLOWNS!

(The BUZZER rings in the apartment. Rachel goes to answer hit)

RACHEL: (after hitting the button) Yeah?

VOICE ON INTERCOM: Rachel, it's Jack, look…..I need to talk to you about what happened last weekend…

RACHEL: (panicking, putting on a hispanic housekeeper accent) Um, I sorry, no Rachel en casa. (Rachel walks away from the intercom)

MONICA: (confused) What?

(Suddenly the door opens. Joey walks in.)

(Joey and Chandler stare at each other)

JOEY: Look….(they continue to stare at each other)….. they wanna talk to you.

CHANDLER: (turns around to see if there is anyone behind him) Who? Me?

JOEY: (seriously) Yeah. You.

CHANDLER: (panicking) I mean…who is this "they" and uh….and uh…. what is it that they want from me?

JOEY: They are…. (he audibly clears his nose and shrugs his face)…..people who don't like any funny business. And they have a little bit of a problem with you.

CHANDLER: (panicked) Well uh…uh….well too bad see. If they've got a problem with me, well then that's just THEIR PROBLEM! (pointing his finger aggressively) Cuz I'M NOT GOING!

JOEY: (flatly) They're not askin'. They're tellin'.

(All the gang suddenly get in front of Chandler in solidarity, holding him and showing their support. Joey looked like he was wavering)

JOEY: (little more warmly) Look, it'll be ok. I used to know these guys. We used to work together.

CHANDLER: (freaking out) DOING WHAT?! Throwing body bags over the BROOKLYN BRIDGE!

JOEY: No, no, nothing like that. I was just their driver. I would drive them some place and then they'd come back with laundry bags. (looking genuinely surprised, shaking his head smiling) Boy, did they do a LOT of laundry, I'll tell ya.

MONICA: Joey, that wasn't laundry! Those were dead bodies in those bags!

JOEY: (looking up trying to remember thoughtfully) Ohhhhhh. Hey no wonder it smelled so bad…I thought they just had REALLY DIRTY laundry.

MONICA: Well Joe, you can't just let them take Chandler…I mean…he's fragile….he once got a PAPER CUT…from his BED SHEETS.

CHANDLER: (turning to Monica in outrage) HEY, those were VERY SHARP bed sheets!

JOEY: (consolingly) I promise… it'll be fine. They just want to sort some stuff out with Chandler and then we'll come right back down. I promise, I'll bring him right back down after we're done.

RACHEL: (inquisitively) Joey, when you used to work with these guys, did you ever have to escort any one up to see them?

JOEY: Yeahhhh, plenty of times.

RACHEL: (emphatically) YEAH, and did you ever see any of them COME BACK DOWN?!

JOEY: (looking up trying to remember thoughtfully, then realizing) Ohhhhh.

(Chandler shivers his head at Joey's stupidity)

JOEY: Look, I give you the Tribbiani Promise that you'll come back from their room as good as new.

MONICA: Joey, you gave me the Tribbiani Promise last month when you said you wouldn't sleep with my old college roommate AND THEN YOU DID IT ANYWAY.

JOEY: (smirking) Yeah… (now looking serious again)….well I WAS CROSSING MY FINGERS THAT TIME. Look, LOOK, I'm not crossing my fingers now. The Tribbiani Promise. Come upstairs and you'll come back down fine.

(There was a long pause in the room)

RACHEL: Well…I mean I guess you gotta go Chandler.

ROSS: Yeah, sorry man.

CHANDLER: (gathering his courage) Well alright. Alright. I can do this. I mean- I'm a man. (pointing at his chest) I've dealt with tougher guys than these. (Chandler knocks over his jacket from the side table as laughable display of his physical strength) Yeah, (pointing up to the ceiling) THEY'RE THE ONES who should be WORRIED about having to deal with CHANDLER BING! (Chandler starts to walk toward Joey and then makes one more display of strength by swiping all the mail on the kitchen table. Suddenly he pulls his finger to his face) AHHHHH! PAPER CUT!

(SCENE ENDS)

* * *

(Scene starts where Joey and Chandler are standing in front of a closed door on the top floor of the apartment building. Chandler has a bandage on his hand covering his paper cut wound. Joey opens the door. The traditional Sicilian song by el domingo called "i cacciaturi i muntaltu" starts playing. Joey and Chandler walk in)

UNKNOWN VOICE: (old and frail voice) Take a seat.

CHANDLER: (turns to his left to see where the voice came from and he suddenly sees a huge desk with an old Italian man sitting at the helm and alongside him was a hideous younger woman with large teeth and a huge mole who was smiling at him) WHOA! (Chandler popped back at the look of the woman)

(Vito and Tony came out of nowhere, grabbed Chandler, and forcibly sat him down on the chair at the old man's desk)

OLD MAN: (old and frail voice) My name… is Don Spinoli. (he puts out the back of his hand in front of Chandler expecting Chandler to kiss his hand)

(Chandler is panicked and looks at Joey who tilts his head forward intimating "well, go ahead")

(Chander awkwardly leans forward and quickly kisses Don Spinoli's hand)

DON SPINOLI: (nodding his head for a few seconds he then says) This is good….. Respect is good. (continuing to nod his head staring at Chandler) You have a nice face Mr. Chandler, you'll make some woman very happy one day.

CHANDLER: (super awkward delivery) You….have….a….very nice face as well sir. And your….lovely wife here…(curling his lip at the sight of her)…is lucky to have you.

DON SPINOLI: (the warmth in his face vanished) This….. is my DAUGHTER.

CHANDLER: OH! OH! I mean, OF COURSE! And a lovely daughter she is!

DAUGHTER: Daddy, I TOLD YOU this vanilla boy was cute. Can I keep him?

DON SPINOLI: Now, now Nikki, where are your manners. Go bring this man a plate of your lasagna. (sagely and slowly) A hungry man….. is not a satisfied man. Remember that.

CHANDLER: Oh, you know, I'm not very hungry.

DON SPINOLI: You will eat.

CHANDLER: (excited) Well I guess I'm eating then!

(Nikki came with the plate of lasagna and placed it in front of Chandler)

DON SPINOLI: Tony and Vito here say that you have disrespected them earlier today. Is this in fact what has occurred?

CHANDLER: Well….actually this is NOT a FACT. (chandler delivery) Because it was actually THEM (pointing vigorously) who DISRESPECTED YOU- AND- YOUR DAUGHTER!

TONY: Why I oughta-! (racing forward to Chandler, then stopped by Vito)

CHANDLER: (excitedly) Oh yeah THAT'S RIGHT! They said that your DAUGHTERR….. had a HORSE FACE! And they said that YOUU….WERE GETTING TOO OLD to run the mob circuit! (looking at the anger in Tony's face) HOW DO YA LIKE YOUR CANNOLI'S NOW BUTT CLOWNS! (proudly)

DON SPINOLI: (looking angrily at Tony and Vito) This is very unfortunate to hear. Joseph, please bring Tony and Vito to the Cleaning Room.

(Joey moves toward Tony and Vito)

VITO: (from around Joey) Don Spinoli, you're not gonna actually listen to this vanilla boy over us are ya?

(Don Spinoli flicked his hand indicating to go. So Joey took Tony and Vito to the other room and closed the door)

CHANDLER: (nervously) What uh…..what uh…..is JOSEPH gonna DO to them in there?

DON SPINOLI: This is not your concern. Thank you for informing me of the treachery of those two goombahs, I have long suspected it.

CHANDLER: (happily) Well you know, whatever I can do to HELP. You know….. I was a HUGE FAN of the movie GOODFELLAS. HUGE! (putting up his hands indicating how big)

DON SPINOLI: Eh. Too soft.

CHANDLER: (dropping his hands) Oh yeah, I hated it too. I mean, could it BE any softer? (Chandler delivery)

DON SPINOLI: Chandler. Be quiet.

CHANDLER: (rushed) -Yeah ok-

DON SPINOLI: My daughter has observed you in the lobby before and has said good things. (he put his hand to his chin and was deep in thought) I have been looking for an educated and honorable young man to take my daughter's hand and to carry on the family business. Mr. Chandler, are you this man?

CHANDLER: (panicking) Well you know…well you know…I don't really know much about your business. You know I only majored in WOMEN'S PANTIES in college! HA! (short nervous high laugh)

DON SPINOLI: (coldly) This is not funny.

(Chandler deflated)

DON SPINOLI: Mr. Chandler, do you know what I do to people who do not do as I say?

CHANDLER: Um…um…..give them a doggy bag of lasagna, a pat on the butt, and best wishes?

DON SPINOLI: No Mr. Chandler…..I put THEM….in da doggy bag.

(The door opens and Joey appears from the room and closes the door behind him)

CHANDLER: Joe, what happened to Tony and Vito?

JOEY: (sternly) Well let's just say I got two REALLY dirty bags of laundry to get rid of.

(Chandler's head whipped to the door, then to Joey, then to Don Spinoli, then to the lasagna)

DON SPINELI: So what do you say Mr. Chandler?

CHANDLER: (freaking out, getting up from the chair) Well I'm not gonna do it see! I'm not gonna become part of the mob! And I am…NOT…going to get MARRIED….to that CUD CHEWER in the KITCHEN there!

DON SPINELI: (coldly, pausing for a few seconds to think) This is most unfortunate. (turning to Joey) Joseph…please bring Mr. Chandler to the Cleaning Room.

(Joey moves toward Chandler, grabs him, and starts bringing him to the room, easily overpowering him)

CHANDLER: (while getting dragged) Oh common Joe, I've been you're roommate for …..for…..well for a LONG TIME! Joe, who else are you gonna watch BATWATCH WITH JOE! Who else knows about your Pillsbury doughboy ticklish spot JOE!... Ok! OK! I'LL MARRY YOUR DAUGHTER! I'LL TAKE OVER THE BUSINESS! I GIVE UP!

JOEY, DON SPINELI, VITO, TONY, AND NIKKI: (jubilantly celebrating) AYYY!

(Chandler is let go by Joey, he whips around and sees Tony and Vito smiling pleasantly in perfect health. He sees Don Spineli and Nikki smiling warmly and laughing)

NIKKI: (laughing) Daddy you see how scared he got!

CHANDLER: Joe! This whole thing…WAS JUST AN ACT!?

JOEY: (shifting to seriousness) Ay, teach you a lesson for stereotyping Italian people. See these are just my cousins Vito and Tony, and this is my Uncle Don and my cousin Nikki. I told them about how you were prejudging them and so they thought up this little lesson for you. Fun huh? (smiling, patting him on the shoulder)

CHANDLER: (still in shock, fake laughs) Ah-hah! Ah-hah! Well… OH BOY WAS THAT FUN (turning around away from them and clutching his racing heart)

JOEY: See that, yeahhhhh, it's important to realize…you can't just make assumptions about people. (in a wise, sophisticated tone) One cannot KNOW a person until one has gotten to KNOW the person….You know, you gotta talk to people, ask them stuff, learn everything about them…you know, like you and me….(pause) Alright so let's go back downstairs.

CHANDLER: (walking out the door with Joey) By the way Joe, what in the world DO YOU do for a living?

JOEY: Oh, well I just quit working in my Uncle Don's dry cleaners. Now I'm just tryin to make it as an actor full time.

CHANDLER: (looking up in thought) Oh. Hmmmph… (long pause) So….did you see Yasmine Bleeth's rack in Baywatch last week?

JOEY: Oh yeahh…(putting his hands in front of his chest mimicking breasts, smiling)

(SCENE ENDS)

* * *

(Chandler and Joey are in the hallway outside Monica/Rachel's apartment. They open the door and walk in, leaving the door partially open. The camera's focus stays back on the hallway only and doesn't follow Chandler and Joey into the apartment. It stays this way for 8 seconds. Suddenly Jack (the man Rachel had slept with during the Christmas party) appears at the end of the hallway from the staircase. He looks hesitant. He pauses for a moment, but then walks straight toward the apartment door. He notices it is partially open, pauses for a few moments, then creaks the door open a little and looks inside)

(The camera's focus shifts to inside the apartment)

RACHEL: (looking confused at Joey) But I still don't get it, why did your cousins make such as a fuss about not wanting their business known and trying to go unnoticed?

JOEY: Well today is a Wednesday and you're not allowed to move in on the weekdays. You know…..two hundred dollar fine.

RACHEL: Ohhhhhh.

(Camera pans back to outside the apartment. Jack has a look of resolve and he walks forward into the apartment. Rachel is the only one who seems to have noticed that he just walked in.)

(Rachel races to the door, goes out into the hallway with Jack, and shuts the door behind her. She accidentally did not shut it properly and it was still a crack open.)

(Ross notices that Rachel went out the door, stands up, and walks to the door.)

(The camera pans out to a split screen view showing both the left of the door (the hallway) and the right of the door (the edge of the apartment where Ross was standing))

RACHEL: (panicked) Jack! What are you doing here?

JACK: (nervous and resolute) I've tried to call….about a hundred times…but every time…..you ended up giving me an excuse and running off. I…..need….to know what happened.

RACHEL: (looking down at the ground) Look, we had a nice time and I'm really glad it happened, but… I think it was just sort of…one of those things…..you know? I mean, I…..I just wasn't myself that night, I was…EMOTIONAL, I was…HURT…..and then you…you were just there right…..right there…and it was PERFECT…and I needed that. And you know…if you're looking for more to it than that, well….there really isn't one. (looking up at him earnestly)

JACK: (walking a little closer to her) Rachel. Who hurt you?

RACHEL: No one hurt me…(she turns to the side)…I mean….I just sort of THOUGHT…..that something good was about to happen for me ….you know…..things were FINALLY about to turn around for little ole' Rachel. But NO….. (starts to get angry) because then….OUT OF THIN AIR…..little miss WHATSIT walks through the terrace door and takes it all away….. Little miss (putting on a mocking impersonation) "oh do you usually daydream in front of your peers." (she looks back at him) Look….I'm really sorry about all of this…..I am….just a bit of a mess right now. Believe me you don't want any part of this.

JACK: (looking straight into her eyes) Rachel….. I've been thinking about you EVERY SECOND for the last THREE DAYS …. It was MAGIC what happened between us after the Christmas party, in my apartment. I FELL for you! Don't TELL ME it was just "one of those things." I mean, I had the GREATEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE with an INCREDIBLE woman, and that's it, you don't ever want to talk to me again?

(The camera blacks out the left of the screen in the split view so that you could no longer see Jack and Rachel and the hallway. You could only see Ross with his ear pressed up against the slightly open door. Ten seconds go by and Ross could hear no more talk between Jack and Rachel. Thinking that Jack had left, Ross opens the door to confront Rachel)

(Standing in front of Ross is Jack and Rachel passionately kissing in the hallway. Ross stares on with a look of shock and hurt. Five seconds goes by and then both sides of the split screen fade to black.)

(EPISODE ENDS)


End file.
